occupational hazards

Rapidly deteriorating standard of personal hygiene exemplified by ever-increasing thresholds for hand-washing and tablecloth-changing.

Being interrogated by well-meaning patrons, in carefully enunciated English, about my reasons for being here (read: the country) and my aspirations (read: after emancipating self from the people-smugglers who may or may not operate this establishment).

Acquiring a distinctinve bundle of mannerisms evolutionarily placed to feminizing boys, masculinizing girls, and suggesting that the life of its owner depends critically upon the next tip.

As a corollary to the above, becoming emotionally dependent on loose change that is, but ought not be, in the possession of perfect strangers.

Being accosted by extremely discouraging specimens of the opposite sex in a comprehensive selection of unromantic settings; and having to devise countermeasures at short notice. Some highlights:

• atop my (car's) bonnet while I'm checking street directions [maintain non-confrontational banter until he slides off - inevitable considering the presumed cause for his having landed there in the first place]
• 'call me babe **** *** *** (ostensibly phone #)' scribbled on a napkin left on the table [convince one of the boys that it was for him]
• at the end of a winding corridor beyond an unattended open door, half-naked (top half ~phew), several drinks past oblivion, wad of cash in hand asking me to take what he owed plus a stipulated exorbitant sum [do that, then bolt!]
• dimly-lit garden reeking of illicit combustible substances, Chinese-speaking (trying to anyway) Caucasian, offering samples of said substances [decline with regret]

[14.47 Sun 17-Apr-2005]

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